I don’t like to talk about myself
if you only know me through this website, today’s post may come as a bit of a surprise…
in the Prince George airport on my way to Vancouver last week, i found myself divulging personal details of my life with a person i had known for less than three minutes. this was strange. i mean, it’s not like i was telling him things i haven’t told the whole Internets, but i usually prefer to steer a conversation away from myself.
unless i’m caught off guard. and that’s really my only excuse with strangers.
i like strangers. i like meeting random people. it just doesn’t happen very often because whenever i’m in public alone, i tend to be buried in a book or plugged into a meditative music machine. but if someone does have occasion to strike up a conversation with me, i’d rather hear about them. i already know all about me, so that’s boring. i don’t get a whole lot of social pleasure from talking about myself.
in fact, it usually makes me uncomfortable.
“oh, you’re in school? what are you studying?”
i hate saying “i’m going into medicine” because the reaction tends to be pity or awe. i prefer pity because the awe is still undeserved. i haven’t even started med school yet. pity is a bit condescending and makes me feel like i have to justify my decision or let the other person know that “yes, i have really considered how much it is going to suck.”
in fact, i hate talking about med school so much that i usually will say “oh, just sciences” to complete strangers.
“any plans this summer? africa, wow. what are you doing there?”
i hate saying “i’m volunteering 8 hours a day, 6 days a week for free at medical clinics and orphanages” because the reaction tends to be bewildered or awe. i prefer bewildered because awe makes me feel totally self-righteous. i am going for selfish reasons: adventure, exposure to tropical disease information, overseas medical service contacts, adventure, and photo opportunities. but my itinerary doesn’t necessary portray that at first glance. i am uncomfortable at receiving credit for being altruistic when it’s not necessarily true.
a more common answer regarding my plans this summer would probably be “oh, you know. just hanging out.”
“how’s Maddy?”
yep, i could probably talk to you all day about her. but would soon start feeling like a gushing over-proud mother who’s kid has just taken a crap in the Big People Potty for the first time and no one really cares or wants to hear about it.
instead, i’ll usually say “she’s great! how’s your dog/cat/rat/egret doing?”
“how are things?”
talking about everything else in my life is also hard because everything is just so damn good. i can’t complain to you to make your life seem better. the boyfriend is amazing, the moods are good, the time off from work and school is incredible, i’m eating well, i’m living well, and i’m happy. how’s that for a conversation stopper? in turn, i’ll ask you “so how are things with you?” and anything less than an equally glowing answer will probably make you feel like your life totally sucks.
so instead, i write. and i write. and i write.
online i get to gush about all the things i would probably never say in person because the distance between me writing and you reading absolves you from all the reactions outlined above. you don’t even have to react at all. you can click away mid-sentence, if you like. you can skim and misunderstand and get confused without looking for clarification and agree and disagree and form opinions.
and your reaction (or non-reaction) doesn’t make me feel uncomfortably pitiable or unrighteously altruistic or shallow and boring or unapologetically superior. so, i write.
needless to say, this frustrates my boyfriend, my mother, and other close friends to bits. i’m trying to learn to turn it off with people that aren’t strangers or random acquaintances. but that still needs a lot of work. in the meantime, at least i know i don’t have people saying “good GOD, she would NOT stop talking about herSELF all NIGHT. what a bore.” behind my back.
i’ll accept accusations of being a secretive snob instead. then you all just come here and find out the “secretive” part is definitely not true.
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April 27th, 2007 at 9:35 am
While I certainly have no problem talking about myself (to be honest, I have the opposite problem that you do — really must learn to shut up once in a while), I’m always a little stumped about what to say when people ask what I’m doing in Africa. The conversation tends to go like this:
“Volunteering.”
“Oh? Doing what?”
“Playing with elephants.”
“…”
Yeah, I’m definitely going for selfish reasons. But I’m terribly excited, so I can’t help talking about it. But at the same time, I don’t really know what to say.
Online, I can at least just send them to the site and let them read it for themselves. :)
May 14th, 2007 at 6:46 pm
[...] and yet, if i blog about my current state of bliss, i know there are more than a few people throwing up a little bit in the back of their mouths. this goes back to my previous post about not liking to talk about myself: not having anything to complain about can be a real one-way conversation killer. i’m sure it can also flush a successful blog down the toilet. [...]
October 17th, 2010 at 2:23 pm
I’m so glad I found this post. I feel exactly the same way! Maybe it’s a writer’s thing, not liking expressing ourselves vocally as much as in written form. I also find myself feeling kind of uncomfortable when people ask me questions about my life, particularly if I don’t really know them. Just today I realized, the worst part about getting a haircut, is having a hairdresser who can’t stop talking or asking questions, when you’re not feeling talkative. Sometimes I just like to share someone’s company in a comfortable silence, but trying to convey that message with short and vague responses to their barrage of questions, doesn’t always work. And if you’re feeling introspective, it can get overwhelming with their brain running a mile a minute, plowing at you like a bull in a China shop.
Also, I have a pretty good sense about when someone is asking me a question because they are genuinely interested or if they are just trying to fill the silence with incessant chatter of “what you do for a living? what are your plans are for the evening?”.as though they are running through a check list of potential conversation starters. And for me, I find sometimes the best ice breakers are a genuine smile, thoughtfulness and a little silence.