Our true friends are those who are with us when the good things happen. They cheer us on and are pleased by our triumphs. False friends only appear at difficult times, with their sad, supportive faces, when, in fact, our suffering is serving to console them for their miserable lives.
~Paulo Coelho
i stole that quote from Jen‘s post last week. when i first read it, it really resonated with me but i wasn’t quite sure why. initially i was like “wait a minute — everyone talks about fairweather friends that are only with you when the times are good… so how can this quote be true? but it really FEELS true… why does it seem like there are often more people around when times are bad??”
Jen (sort of) noted in the same post that this seems especially true with blog traffic: drama “sells”. why aren’t we drawn to blogs of boring happy people? or:
why are happy people unappealing and unentertaining?
if we are truly happy with our own lives, i would guess we should be drawn to other happy people. but more often than not, we need a reason to make the circumstances in our life seem better. and comparison with someone who is unhappy can be the perfect boost.
on a day-to-day happiness scale of 1-10, i have been at about a 12 for the past few months. i am so freaking blissfully happy with my past, present, and future, that some days i invent things out of thin air to complain about. i’m pretty sure Jonathan has wondered on occasion if i’m crazy and i’d like to blame hormones, but i think i’m just so acclimatized to unhappiness and frustration that i have to create it. how ridiculous is that?
i like where i’ve been and the lessons that have made me the person about to turn 30-years old this year. i love where i am and am grateful every hour of every day for how freaking lucky i am. i am so excited about where i am going, but happy enough with the present that i can take my time getting there.
i am happy!
and yet, if i blog about my current state of bliss, i know there are more than a few people throwing up a little bit in the back of their mouths. this goes back to my previous post about not liking to talk about myself: not having anything to complain about can be a real one-way conversation killer. i’m sure it can also flush a successful blog down the toilet.
lastly, i am wondering what sort of people (real or online) you surround yourself with. are you cheering on small successes of friends and acquaintances? or are you doing more consoling than congratulating? if Paul Coelho is right, i’m guessing the happiest of you out there are reading (and commenting on!) the boring haircut blogs of your friends who have nothing dramatic or tragic to report.
wowsa ~ this got me thinking about the sort of blogs i am drawn to as i look into my screen and wonder what kind of person does that make me … hmmmmm …
and i realized that though i have had my share of drama in the last year, i really gravitate to happy people who are living their passions or attempting to ~ people that i can identify with ~ i really don’t think happy is boring but rather it is compelling, beautiful and frankly filled with all kinds of passion which makes for a whole lot of drama …
and then i realize that when i was much younger, i was always gravitating to sad stories, dramatic unhappy endings (this was of course pre-blog world) but now i want to see / read / hear of the ones who rise above all that floating garbage on the surface of life ~ you know, mud is beautiful …
and though even though we all have our crap, the stuff that happens ~ i am drawn to people who still struggle to see the beauty and follow their dreams …
yeah, anyway, i’m pretty sure that be why i have read your blog and sifted through your poetic photography for as long as i have ..
:) (sorry for the insanely long comment)
What a great post, published along with the most thoughtful and lovely picture :D This is a topic I am currently dealing with rather intimately.
It takes courage to be happy I think, which is why I choose to surround myself with people who prefer joy over misery. I’d rather share time with a fighter, someone who at least takes the trouble to be balanced and realistic in their approach to life.
Nobody says they don’t want happiness for themselves, but take a look at how negative, paranoid and why me? some people let themselves get (not counting those who suffer actual depression which is real and understandably difficult to cope with).
Real friends are just with us unconditionally, aren’t they? They don’t abandon us when we have difficult times, but are still cheering us on and will shake us around until the darkness dissipates.
Real friends challenge us to be the happiest we could possibly be, by expecting nothing less from us. And they are prepared to support us by being well and happy themselves.
Happy people are appealing and entertaining, what are you on about? Often they are the ones pushing boundaries of exploration and creativity, and are keen to share their experiences completely. Happiness doesn’t equal boring, boring equals boring.
Yes I’ll stop now… xo
What a timely post – I’ve been responding a lot lately to the blogs that reflect troubling times (and it seems a lot of my online acquaintances have been having one heckuva spring!) but I am one of those people who can’t help falling into the role of comforter no matter what is happening in my own life. Maybe it’s selfish indulgence, something to make me feel better by comparison, but I genuinely mean the things I say, and I know that anyone who writes in general writes to be read – it helps to know that in the hardest of times we are heard.
I still read the happy blogs, but my comments there are admittedly more limited and simplified. With my own postings, I rarely get ANY comments on the good stuff, but plenty of advice and condolences when it’s a gloomy dramatic addition to the interwebs. I don’t find the happy stuff boring, and I enjoy hearing about the big and little victories and joys of other people’s lives, but I find that adding my kudos and congratulatory wishes to a long list of similar responses can be kind of redundant.
I think with the best of friendships, and the most sincere acquaintances, pleasure at seeing each other successful and happy is an unspoken given. But your musings here make me wonder if maybe I should speak up about those positive things more often…