On writing
i had a dream last night that someone criticized me for being too open with my writing and accounts of my experiences here in Zambia. i was worried (in my dream) that i was portraying some things in an overly negative light. even Janice* commented (in real life) that some things are better left unsaid. i’m almost certain she was referring to our morning in the labour ward last week.
and yet, i pour my thoughts into this little notepad every single day because i want my perceptions and stories to be as true to the original experience as possible. i know i’m seeing and experiencing events in a non-Western country with a biased Western eye, but that is true of any foreigner in any country. instead of picking and choosing what to write about (what i think you want to hear, what i want to remember, how i think the country might like to be portrayed), i just write about everything. once i start typing, i absolutely don’t know how to leave anything out. which is probably evidenced in my lengthy entries(!). i have also refrained from going back and editing anything, so i apologize for spelling mistakes and glaring grammatical errors.
things slip from my mind so quickly, if i don’t write them now, they’ll be gone forever. whether or not i’m experiencing some form of “culture shock” (more on that in another post), i know my brain does an excellent job of making me forget (or dulling down) some of the more traumatic experiences i have gone through. i have a feeling that upon arriving back home, i’ll dive deep into a meditative form of post-traumatic stress disorder and anyone that asks me how my trip went will either get a generic response or a tissue full of tears.
so i’m going to keep writing while i am here. and when i get home, i’ll re-read when i’m ready and decide whether or not to archive the entries offline. in the meantime, i’m glad you are here with me through my modest (and completely inadequate) descriptions.
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*she hasn’t seen this website. yet. i am undecided about whether or not to tell her about it.
June 11th, 2007 at 7:42 am
I’ve always loved the way you write, which is why i’ve been reading your website in all its various forms for years (heck, since irc days…). In fact, yours is the only blog I actually read anymore on a daily basis. Your African experiences have been absolutely AMAZING to read. They aren’t sugar coated, and they feel very real. Your pictures, as always, are wonderful as well.
June 11th, 2007 at 12:31 pm
Keep it up.
Yes it may seem personal, it is, and I can understand your concern about hurting the feelings of the African innocent, but I think anyone of us (Westerners) might have the same reactions. You are, after all, a kabillion miles from home. And this trip will have an influence on your thoughts for the rest of your life. It’s good to have good honest notes.
Question, do the other non-African volunteers have similar observations?
June 11th, 2007 at 2:09 pm
i am so glad you are writing your thoughts, your experiences (i know i keep saying it but its true) because they are distinctly yours, your views and as a canadian girl sitting inside my canadian borders, i get a glimpse that i can relate to on a level … and i appreciate that plus i’ve always loved your writing, the honesty and flow of it … hugs!
June 11th, 2007 at 5:48 pm
I’ve been reading for a little while now, since just before you began your trip.
I believe it is important to write down your experiences as close to real-time as you can. As someone who has had very traumatic experiences over the past two years and wrote about them as they happened, I can honestly say the benefits of a published personal account (as much as you choose to share) do outweigh the downside(s).
At the very least, when you see your friends, they will have read your accounts and you won’t be spending a great deal of time with basic facts and distilling it all. (That’s even more work than coming up with an “internet filter”.) As well, other people will read what you’ve written and gain something from it.
What you wrote is what you felt at the time, which doesn’t change — only your perspective will. No doubt you will reflect on the experiences and write separately about them, in any event, and your reflection will include your new perspective. Perhaps fonder memories of this trip will prevail, but the details might slip over time if you don’t write them out.
Ultimately, your publishing filter is your conscience, and I believe in letting your conscience be your guide.
June 11th, 2007 at 6:42 pm
As a fairly new reader, I have enjoyed your honesty as much as I have been enjoying your photos on Flickr.
Your observations and reactions to your current situations have helped me advise some friends who will be going to Kenya in October. I work with a group that is currently raising money and building wells for the Pokot people in the Great Rift Valley. However, they are located about 6 hours by Range Rover from any kind of civilization. The similarity of their journey and yours is slight, but, I think the feelings on being a westerner going to places like this can be the same.
So, as a new dedicated reader, I thank you for sharing your life with us. Especially with your modest descriptions and your original perceptions.
June 12th, 2007 at 6:54 am
You are brave and your mind is clear. To write as the thoughts emerge is the only way. To find the right words is never easy. By continuing your valient chosen task, we are the beneficiaries. You can not give us too much to work with. Keep those wonderful words flowing.
June 12th, 2007 at 12:33 pm
well, you know I definitely appreciate your writing — every little bit of preparation I can get is well worth it in my books.
June 12th, 2007 at 3:14 pm
Yeah, I love the way you write and have for a long time! If I could write the way you do, I’d probably have a real blog still!
All the best!