i just spent 15 minutes (nah, it was more than that) TOO MUCH time browsing my archives looking for the Jennifer Meets Jonathan story that i posted ages ago. this November it will be three whole years of ups and downs together and i thought the original story might be fun to re-share.

but i can’t find it. it’s gone. may have even been permanently erased from history in one of those down moments. who knows. i probably should re-write it, but it won’t be the same as the original. bummer!

since i already had the flux capacitor fired up, i poked around a bit more to see if i could find anything else interesting. this entry is from November 2005. sometimes i forget how far i’ve really come in only 2 years.

there are a lot of things i believed when i was 8 years old that i’m not sure i still believe at 28 years…

things like Jesus being the Son of God, boys have cooties, you can excel at anything you put your mind to (i still suck at calculus and basketball), parents are always happy, the tooth fairy, banana seats and spokey-dokes on bicycles are cool, it’s okay to cry, and…

… you can be anything you want when you grow up.

the more time i spend in research labs on campus, the more i realize almost everyone has applied to medicine at some point. there are a lot of jaded researchers with chips on their shoulders that try to hide the rolling of their eyes when you mention you are applying this year.

“well, you asked,” i want to retort.

and then i roll my own eyes to the god of academics and pray pray pray that i will not end up in research just because i couldn’t make the med school cut-off. sure, some people are in research because they actually LIKE it, but a lot of people my age and younger view it as a stepping stone to gaining that prestigious and door-opening “M.D.” behind their name. i am reminded on a regular basis of the med application “horror story” i heard from a friend who is in his 1st year med this year – you know, the one about the girl who volunteers with doctors without borders and has been rejected 4 times. it’s a horror story to me because what on earth could be THAT wrong with her application or interview? 4 TIMES? if she can’t get in, why are my expectations so high? and what if i have to WAIT 5 YEARS BEFORE I AM ACCEPTED? ugh. does SHE still believe you can be anything you want when you grow up?

as i trudged home (in the disgustingly drippy windy rain) from the latest perfusion/lab meeting/lab baby shower, my head was heavy and my eyes nearly filled with tears. i am seriously discouraged and something needs to drastically change if i’m going to see the last day of classes – december 2nd. i thought back to my morning chai latte in the new life sciences building cafe and remembered how my heart froze over as i flipped through the new “medicine” quarterly published by the university. the quarterly (today i read the 2nd issue ever – winter 2005) is a 10 or 12 page magazine-style collection of articles and photos on the new life scienes building and the stuff that goes on inside. since the medical school is now in that building, a large part of the quarterly was dedicated to profiles of med students. there was even a two-page spread on what goes into the interview process and how the three-member panels are “trained” to find 200 “best and brightest” out of 1300 applicants (only 500 of those actually get interviews).

i have long realized (although frequently denied) the need for a back-up plan in the depressing case that i have to re-apply next year*. what am i going to do next fall if i don’t get in? since i will find out less than 4 months before classes begin, i need to sort of follow two routes (med vs. other) simultaneously until the big decision is handed down to me from the UBC med application committee.

i am currently considering applying to UNBC’s undergrad program and moving to prince george even if i don’t get offered a position in their medical school. the rural medical program is really my first choice anyway, and going up there early will give me the chance to start working/volunteering in the community and establishing valuable contacts and ties.

but i haven’t completely decided. obviously. and this post is just me talking out loud as a form of therapy because otherwise i may just crawl into bed, pull the covers up to my chin and not get out until december 3rd.

*notice i didn’t use the word REJECTED. ugh.

~ November 2005 blog archive

it’s funny how an uphill battle can suddenly slide along so much smoother when you’re on the right path. it’s obvious to me now that i was never meant to study medicine at UBC. there’s something bigger and better in store for me via MUA.

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