[fireworks in Yamanakako, Yamanashi: 1997]

where did the year go? how did it get to be 2 weeks into January already?? i’m not ready to stop writing “/07″ in the top corner of my class notebook each day!

i like cycles. i like circles. i love anniversaries and birthdays and holidays that come ’round without fail every year. one of the biggest things i miss down here are seasons. sometimes i need a reminder that time is ticking by. holidays help, even when the leaves don’t turn and the snow never comes. i like special days that prompt me to look back while looking ahead.

and ushering in a new calendar year is perhaps the most ideal occasion to do just that.

reading a post from Superhero Journal (via daisies) has inspired me to put down a few words about 2007 so i can say “goodbye” to it once and for all. i originally wrote all of this for myself, but decided to share it here. because — well — i guess that’s what a namesake URL is for, isn’t it?

1. What do you want to acknowledge yourself for in regard to 2007?
(What did you create? What challenges did you face with courage and strength? What promises did you keep to yourself? What brave choices did you make? What are you proud of?)

wow. where to start? 2007 was an incredible year of challenges for me. after two years of rejection, i was finally accepted into medical school. i dealt with some family disappointments i thought i had left behind years ago. i went to Africa. i moved in with my boyfriend. i took the summer off. i put everything i own into boxes in my mom’s attic and relocated to a tiny island in the Caribbean. but there was one challenge bigger than all the rest…

i said goodbye to everyone and everything i love to follow my bliss.

i’m an independent person. and that little sentence up there was is a LOT harder to do than i ever imagined. i miss my dog and my best friend. i wish i could share every little thing from every little moment with them. a lot of the time, i still find it hard to understand how being down here can be the right path when i don’t get to share it with the right people…

2. What is there to grieve about 2007?
(What was disappointing? What was scary? What was hard? What can you forgive yourself for?)

if certain things had gone one way instead of another, i may be sitting here trying to forgive myself for letting go of the most amazing person in my life. (that will be a tough one to forgive, if the day ever comes.)

as it is, 2006 and 2007 were pretty hard years when it came to personal relationships. on one hand, i became closer with my mother than i had imagined or hoped. on the other, i used some harsh (but truthful) words to sever unhealthy and negative connections with people that made me feel bad about myself.

i want to forgive myself for being selfish. for putting my mental health and sanity and responsibility and positive nature in front of my concern for hurting someone else’s feelings. is it weird to worry about hurting someone else’s feelings in the attempt to stop them from hurting yours? and is it possible to forgive yourself even when you don’t expect forgiveness from them?

3. What else do you need to say about the year to declare it complete?

i am not a failure. i am not compromising. i am succeeding in a Caribbean medical school because this is where my path was meant to take me. i am going to work hard enough to get back home someday.

the road less travelled is not a compromise.

The final step is to consider your primary focus for the year to come. What is your primary intention or theme for 2008? Is it the year of joy? the year of self-care? the year of partnership? Stand up and say it proud, “2008 is my year of….”

2008 is my year of diligence.

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