jenniferhawke.com

studying sucks.

but we’re gettin’ it done! i spent my allocated internet time this morning sorting out a seating chart for the farm dinner reception. i didn’t think i was the kind of girl to get excited over my own wedding, but surprise! i am!

no detail is too small and they are all falling into place nicely. we have a cake baker bringing herself here all the way from Vancouver, photographers from Edmonton, a Mistress of Ceremonies from England, and bridesmaids, groomsmen and guests from across North America. how fun is that??

okay, okay. back to the books. i have a few hundred practice questions to get through here in the next two days. yeehaw!

i spent over an hour mowing the lawn the other night. there is a LOT of grass out here to green up and get under control for wedding photos.

and did i mention that we have to figure out how to rid our wee farm of a smelly skunk in the next 64 days?

in the meantime, Brandon has adapted to our little routine nicely. he comes to the gym with my mom and i at 8am and enjoys the Y, except boys are apparently much messier than girls. we pack a lunch most mornings and hit the library right after the gym. by the time we get home in the evening, we’re both pretty exhausted for things like dinner and lawn mowing and family and Maddy and question banks and managerial accounting (thankfully, not for me) and laundry and bed.

but the sun is shining and spring seems to be finally admitting summer might be just around the corner. Brandon is here until early July and we’re both super nervous about our back-to-back exams. he writes on July 7th and my months and months of Step 1 prep finally end when i walk in the testing centre door at 930am on July 8th.

scary stuff.

oh yah, and we’re getting married. i think that’s “supposed” to be sorta scary, but it really isn’t. i feel nothing but peace and excitement and joy! joy! joy! (that one’s for you, Kristy) and a profound sense of destiny (that one’s for you, Dawn) when i think about joining my hopes, goals and wildest dreams with this wonderful man.

i know there are a few lucky ladies out there who know what i’m talking about. yes, i’m looking at you Darlene and Jenn and Christina and Brig and Pam! can’t wait to have you guys here!

showing my Nebraska Husker pride in Saskatchewan.

i know Brandon’s dad will say “awesome… but too bad it’s not a Ford.” ; )

i finished endocrine, embryology, hematology, oncology and gastrointestinal last week.

and today i get to run around with my mom in the gray rainy weather doing wedding errands. we have appointments with the florist at 10am and guest accommodation folks at 1pm, with a little grocery shopping and brainstorming in between. i’ll have to break it gently to the florist: my mom’s gardens are really going to be the highlight of the wedding, but we’ll need a few corsages, boutineires and bouquets from the shop. and tonight there might even be a phone call from our cake baker in Vancouver! i love Mondays.

but first, Brandon and my mom and i are off to the gym. i am SO thankful to have him here for a few short weeks. it’s an awesome opportunity for my family to get to know him (and adore him as much as i do) before we get hitched and make a break for the border.

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photo: 8 Mile Road with our little farmhouse.

it really is nice waking up every morning knowing you’re the luckiest girl alive.

i mean, i don’t know what the rest of you girls are doing out there with your jealousy because i have managed to get the most amazing guy in the world to actually put a ring on my finger and want to marry me and settle down. i feel like i am so blessed in life and love that i should write a “How To” book so everyone else can be as happy as me. but writing a book like that would be too close to “How to Win the Lottery” because i really have no idea what i’ve done to deserve so much love in my life.

Brandon is here. he’s HERE!

he got up at 4am yesterday morning, drove 13 hours and survived the Canadian border grilling to come to the farm. he’s HERE! seriously! i keep wanting to reach out and tug his sleeve to make sure he doesn’t just *poof* disappear into thin air. but, as i’ve said before, if i’m dreaming — let me sleep a little longer.

he’s HERE!

every day since those little “i love you” words accidentally slipped out while we were sitting in the car on Nevis, i have been grinning from ear-to-ear.

now that we’re side-by-side again, i’m doing a skippy happy dance too.

busy studying… so i thought i would give you this photo to laugh at for a couple of days. it was taken circa 1990 and i’m pretty sure we’re at a roller rink…

apparently i was so traumatized by the teasing i received from those glasses that it scared my eyesight straight. i haven’t worn corrective lenses in nearly 20 years.

i have nothing to talk about on this end except my wash-rinse-repeat routine of gym-library-qbank with extra fabric softener thrown in because i miss Brandon like crazy. it sucks. i swore off the long-distance thing forever and now i’m doing it again. on Nevis, i was working so hard at being a team player, but i’ve oh-so-comfortably slid back into my old independent habits.

at least my hair products these days are less damaging to the ozone.

“He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it.”
~ Douglas Adams

“Dreams pass into the reality of action. From the actions stems the dream again; and this interdependence produces the highest form of living.”
~ Anaïs Nin

days are passing in a blur. sometimes i can’t tell if i’m coming or going, dreaming or sleepwalking.

in a nutshell: discovered my “recommended” wedding dress seamstress can’t sew a straight line. drove 9 hours round-trip to surprise Tina for her 33rd birthday. missing Brandon like crazy because doing stuff without him just isn’t as fun. dad had arthroscopy on his knee last week. mom had bloodwork done. wedding errand day today, but it’s the long weekend so everything is closed. looking at spending a few internet hours “catching up”. just plain grouchy some days for no good reason. feeling bad for my mom dealing with the grouchies. had eye twitch and then it went away. Maddy is good. family is good. studying is good. RSVPs are rolling in. excited every time we get a “YES!” and sorta sad with every “regretfully declines” because we love you all and want to see everyone even if you’re halfway across the continent. wishing that renting the “good” portable toilets didn’t cost $800. the sun is trying to shine. mom mowed the front lawn and it’s a gorgeous green. spring might actually be here. my coffee needs refilling.

happy to have great family. happy to have great friends.

happily dreaming and living my dreams.

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photo: Tina & Kevin at their lovely old falling down farmhouse.

as i mentioned the other day, i came across the same question in both USMLE World and Kaplan QBank. the answer choices were the same too, but the “correct” answer was different…

maybe you’ve come across it in your question bank travels. it’s the one about the woman who is told her unborn baby has Down’s syndrome. she gets upset, starts crying and wails “God is punishing me!”

as her doctor, what do you say next?

A) “Why do you think God is punishing you?”

B) “This is a difficult situation. Let me give you some more information.”

Kaplan claims A) is correct because it opens up the discussion and gives the doctor an opportunity to learn more about your patient’s religious beliefs and emotions. with patient-doctor interaction questions like this in the Kaplan QBank, the “right” answer is almost always the most open-ended question available in the answer choices.

however, USMLE World claims that A) would place blame and make the woman feel worse, so B) is better because it takes control of the conversation and makes sure she has more information in an attempt to settle her fears and help her to decide how to proceed.

so, doctors… what would you do?

i’ll try to talk more and gesture less with my hands photos.

“When I have a house of my own, I shall be miserable if I have not an excellent library.”
~ Jane Austen

“My library
Was dukedom large enough.”
~ William Shakespeare

for 8 hours each day from Tuesday through Saturday, you can find me in the “quiet room” of the Moose Jaw public library.

this first week, i have been sharing the space with transient wireless web seekers, a homeless(?) man who comes to read the newspaper around lunch time, a woman working on some sort of paper or thesis, and a guy with textbooks about hydraulics and The Strength of Materials sprawled out in front of him.

it’s a gorgeous building and i’ve been trying to learn a little more about it. kind of like wanting to know the history of a good friend you’re going for coffee with every day. so far, i’ve learned that it was built in 1911-12 with city-raised funds and no government assistance, has imported Italian marble pillars, and the southeast corner of the silent study room has nice warm air pumping out of the vents.

not as an excuse — but just in case you’re wondering why i haven’t responded to your email yet — here is an idea of what my schedule looks like these days:

i get up around 6am and have coffee, putter about on the internet, and get dressed (usually in that order). my mom and i go to the gym most mornings and it takes us about 2 hours round-trip door-to-door, not including a quick maneuver through Tim Horton’s drive-thru (always insanely busy) and then to check the mail. back home, i shower and get dressed again, pack a lunch and head back into town.

then comes the 8 hours in that honestly-more-comfortable-than-it-probably-looks chair.

if we go to the gym extra early or if the library closes early (ie: Friday and Saturday), i usually shower at the gym and just head straight to the books. either way, my day so far has consisted of 1 hour of internet, 2 hours of gym and 8 hours of studying. priorities. hmh.

whenever i get home, i eat more, drink a few gallons of liquids to combat this dry prairie air and hop online. my evenings usually consist of USMLE Step 1 question banks. right now i am going through USMLE World (again) and Kaplan QBank (mostly again).

by 10pm i am obviously exhausted and fall into bed while dialing Brandon’s number to see how his day went and wish him sweet dreams.

i sort of live for Mondays: the days i get to hang out with my mom and brainstorm wedding planning stuff. this week we’re going through old photo albums to look for pictures to send Brandon’s mom for a (somewhat embarrassing) slideshow of the two of us. then i have to get photos, colours and visual ideas together for the (potential! keeping my fingers crossed!) cake gal in Vancouver and May 25th appointment with the florist here in Moose Jaw.

life is good. life is great.