Let there be light
i know you’re just as happy as i am that this silly exam is going to be over with in less than 36 hours. i can’t believe my days are going to finally revolve around things other than question banks and flashcards.
when i was in high school, i used to daydream about having my own little apartment. i pictured it overflowing with plants and colourful artsy things with a Sarah McLaughlan CD blaring in the background. i always liked having my own space and moving out to be truly independent definitely couldn’t happen fast enough.
these days i find myself daydreaming about that bi-weekly tax donation to the government. this exam is just one more step on the road to getting a paying job again. not being in control of my own money (not money from the bank or parents that has strings attached) has been a huge hit to my independence over the last few years. sometimes i think about all the tuition i’ve paid and all of the paychecks from that great job in Vancouver that i gave up… and i wonder if it’s all been worth it. money makes the world go round, but i’m so far in debt i can’t even see the waxing and waning of the sun and the moon. i’m digging myself a tunnel to China over here.
most people rely on their United States Medical Licensing Exam scores to set them apart as superior students who will make superior doctors with superior paychecks. it’s why you’ll hear things like “you’ll never get into something competitive like Anesthesiology or Radiology without a 240.” and they’re right. you probably won’t.
is that why i’m studying so hard? to prove myself a “superior student” worthy of a “superior paycheck”?
as much as i would like to be a superior doctor someday, i hope my work ethic and integrity will speak far louder to my abilities than some exam score. so, no. i’m not really worrying about where my score will land me on Match Day. instead, i am worried that the sum of my sacrifices over the last 6 years will be annoyingly anti-climactic. i need a big, bright neon sign declaring to myself and the world that i did great! i succeeded! the movie has a crazy happy ending! i didn’t drop the ball and let the game fizzle in the 4th quarter! it goes back to my old argument: if i’m going to work this hard for just a B, then i’d rather work a little less hard.
my score won’t be back for another 4 weeks or so. but in the meantime, i’m on a path allowing me to pursue a career that fills my soul with joy and purpose alongside an amazing man that fills my stomach with butterflies and glee.
yah. so far it’s been worth it.
today:
8am – drive to Saskatoon
noon – take a 3.5 hour practice exam at the Prometric centre
4pm – go buy something non-medical and non-academic (oh how i miss fiction!) to read
tomorrow:
9am – arrive at the Prometric centre to sign in
930am – exam starts
530pm – breathe a sigh of relief
600pm – dinner and Shakespeare with my dad and step-mom
Thursday:
2pm – spa appointment (canceled to help pay for Maddy’s tooth extraction)
July 7th, 2009 at 7:00 am
Good luck in your test, you are going to do excellent. By the way I love your posts, and this one is really great.
July 7th, 2009 at 9:08 am
I will be sending smart & clever thoughts your way all day tomorrow. Not that you’ll need them — you’re going to rock this silly little test. :)
July 7th, 2009 at 9:57 am
Go Jen, Go!!
I’m cheering for you & sending smarty pants vibes your way!
July 7th, 2009 at 11:03 am
Have fun, and enjoy not having to study for the next few days!
July 7th, 2009 at 11:10 am
I thought you wanted to be a doctor because…well…er…isn’t it a joyful thing to do with your life. To do something you have passion for. Last I checked there is no scorecard to adequately measure passion…is there?
Regardless of that score….I predict a fine future for you in the medical field. I predict you will excel in passion, I can’t promise you a perfect A but I can promise you tons of happiness.
Money comes and goes….love and the pursuit of your dreams is priceless.
July 7th, 2009 at 3:36 pm
Markus and I are sending all good, positive, strong thoughts your way for tomorrow (as we did for Brandon today!) *HUGS* You will do great!
Sorry to hear about Maddy’s tooth. Calli is on her way to the vet on Saturday – she won’t be happy about it, I’m sure. :-S
July 7th, 2009 at 4:07 pm
Chin up, buttercup. In less than a month you can legally give half your debt to Brandon! Of course I guess he can give you half his debt…
Okay so you’re actually going to be like twice as in debt as you are now.
No wait…you’ll break even.
There you go! Right back where you started.
July 7th, 2009 at 5:01 pm
I love you! and I love sarah’s comment. :)
July 7th, 2009 at 7:09 pm
In the scripted words of Jack Nicholson… You make me want to be a better person.
Best of luck, but you don’t need it. You’re ready and you’ll rock it!
July 7th, 2009 at 8:38 pm
I’ll be thinking good thoughts for you (from behind my mountain of organic chemistry flashcards)! All the best!!
July 7th, 2009 at 9:27 pm
From a fellow MUAer, just wanted to wish you all the best!
July 7th, 2009 at 10:04 pm
you have so done it :-) gosh, i feel like i’ve been following along for years, well, ’cause i have … realizing you are there and you are so going to rock it tomorrow makes me dance around in my underwear happy for you!! :-) i’ll be thinking of you tomorrow!! xox
July 7th, 2009 at 11:59 pm
Way to go, Jen! Final stretch. I’ve been thinking about you all week. Best of luck today!! We are all pulling for you. What an amazing journey this has been to watch.
July 11th, 2009 at 8:27 am
You did awesome. I know I am behind on the ball but hey better late than never. You aspire me to be better than I ever have. I hope that continues for a life time!
October 24th, 2009 at 10:45 am
I know this is an old post – but it made me feel great to read it. I’m writing my Step in 14days, and and filled with anxiety! Your outlook on the whole thing has really made me focus, and calm down. so Thank you!