lately, i’m having flashbacks to those horribly un-fun years at UBC when i was struggling with calculus and certain i wouldn’t get into med school. i went to every tutoring session. i bribed every intelligent friend i had into private lessons. i studied as hard as i thought i could.
and i still failed.
and i didn’t get into the UBC medicine program.
thankfully, there are no differentials or integrals or stupid series in clinical clerkships. but i’m somehow getting mentally bogged down in “i can’t” when i look ahead at applying to attractive residency programs.
the Family Medicine attending i’m working with is probably more awesome than any attending i’ll see through the rest of med school or even residency. i am the only student around. i get him all to myself and don’t even have to share him with residents. he takes a lot of time with me and goes out of his way to give feedback in bite-sized chunks of clinical information that are helpful because they are small and practical.
but i still feel lost in the abyss between the memorization expected in Basic Sciences and the application needed in Clinical Clerkships. like a ship floating aimlessly on a sometimes calm and sometimes terrifying sea. the water is blue and deep and wide. there is SO MUCH MEDICINE out there.
yah yah. i’m “just a 3rd year” and there isn’t much expected of me yet. it’s “totally normal” to feel this way because “everyone does.”
and yah yah. not getting into UBC med landed me at MUA with Brandon on a path better than i could have imagined in my wildest dreams. i know the doors that are supposed to open, will. this “path less traveled” has been so good to me so far. why worry now?
i’m just frustrated. it’s not that i wish i knew more or could do more… i just wish i had a tangible set of instructions to take me in the right direction. i’m flipping. i’m flopping. sometimes i come up with that needle in the haystack, but more often this mouthful of straw is pretty hard to swallow.
maybe figuring out the kind of doctor i want to be will be the sail that gives me direction and speed. i’m kind of getting an idea of what i don’t want to do, but verbally or emotionally identifying an area of medicine that i might be interested in is scary. because setting up expectations and failing is scary.
so let’s start with the basics. i want to choose a path that fits (in order of importance):
1) my lifestyle goals (time for work & time for family)
2) my personality
3) my (and my husband’s) debt load.
if i grew up knowing i wanted to be a cardiothoracic surgeon my entire life, then i would be okay with setting goals on that path and moving toward them. but choosing a sector of primary care or sub-specialty at this point sort of feels like reaching my arm in a barrel full of fish and eating whatever i pull out. totally random. totally arbitrary.
that said, there are definitely some fish i would throw back. so let’s start a list of things i know i don’t want to do:
- cardiology
- dermatology
- family medicine (i think it’s the clinic setting i don’t like)
- nephrology
- obstetrics & gynecological surgery
- opthalmology
- orthopedic surgery
- otorhinolaryngology
- pediatrics
- physical medicine
- plastic surgery
- podiatry
- pulmonology
- psychiatry
- radiology
- surgery (general, neuro, any)
here are the “maybes” and “don’t know enough to not like it yet”:
- anesthesia
- emergency medicine
- endocrinology
- geriatric medicine
- hematology
- hospitalist
- immunology
- infectious diseases
- internal medicine
- neonatology
- neurology
- oncology
- pathology
- rheumatology
it’s definitely not a complete list of every. single. specialty out there. and there are a few things on the “maybe” list that will be crossed off because i am Canadian, because i went to a Caribbean medical school, and because i didn’t score 240 on Step 1.
but let’s leave it at that for now. and in turn, i’ll leave you with one of my most favourite clichés from Henry Ford:
“Whether you think you can or can’t, you’re right.”
My favorite doctor *ever* was my first rheumatologist. She was kind, caring, compassionate, and explained everything so thoroughly. She really took time with each patient–this sometimes meant longer waits in the lobby, but I was fine with that because I knew she was not rushing through anything with any of her patients. I’m not suggesting that you should be a rheumatologist. But, I do think that whatever specialty you choose, you will be the same kind of doctor that my rheumatologist was. (And is–the only reason I left her care was because I had to move away.)
My vote is for endrocrhoweveryouspellthatword!!
What scares me is the future docs at your stage in education who *don’t* feel overwhelmed.
I may be biased, but don’t write off family medicine yet… I guess it depends if you are thinking about coming back to Canada to practice, but anesthesia? You can do that as a family doc (plus 1 year fellowship). There are also fellowships in hospitalist medicine, geriatrics, emergency medicine, low-risk obstetrics, sports med, etc. and you don’t necessarily need the fellowship to do hospitalist or emerg.
In any case, you have some time to figure it out. Don’t stress too much!
I’m sorry you’re frustrated. All the 3rd years I know are super stressed out, so you’re definitely not the only one, but that doesn’t change the feeling unfortunately.
(Sidenote: I’m with Liana about not giving up on fam med yet. The reason why fam med is first on my list is because of all the great things you can do with it. Especially if you like rural med! If I end up loving clinic, great. If I want to do emerg, anaesthesia, obs, or internal medicine type stuff instead or as an addition to clinic, I can do it with a fam med residency!)
Ya left off Vet.
:-P
Sounds like you have actually narrowed it down more than you think…Most of what you have on your list are “Medicine” not “Surgery” and many are subspecialties of internal medicine (endocrinology, geriatric medicine, hematology, immunology, infectious diseases, oncology, rheumatology). This means you do 3 years of IM first for your residency and then you can be General IM or apply for any of those fellowships. Others you don’t have on your list are: Radiation Oncology, Medical Genetics or Community Medicine/Public Health (all separate residencies). The Family Med 2+1 is also a good option as suggested by XE.
What is that crazy flower and where did you find it?!
Hey girlie don’t think that life will ever stop throwing these moments at you cause it won’t. I am a little biast but I think ER goes great with family life cause you work and have those people to deal with and then you go home and when you go back to work there will be rooms full of people who need you but ….. you don’t have to have them always dependant on you like when you have your own practice so you can not deal with family as well… but you would have to work in a large centre were they need great
ER doc’s. But I am with your friend Robyn where ever your doctor life takes you will be a great place for you to be cause you will be great at what you do! We are praying for both of you! Go and do something that you love…. take the girls for a walk and take some great pictures!
Love Ya Maureen
I am with hospitalist, anesthesia, and neurology. I think those would fit your personality so well. You are so compassionate though that I could see you doing about anything. Also, I am with the others that maybe you just don’t like this family medicine set-up and could set something up eventually that you really did like. Whatever you choose you will be great at that is for sure.