2 months and 2 weeks
“The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become.”
~ Charles Du Bos
i know that more than a few of you were surprised when i decided to take Brandon’s family name as my own. the following post is a few excerpts from an email to a friend last month when he claimed he wouldn’t know me as anything other than “JHawke”.
i have to admit, there were a few years that i didn’t think i’d change my name. none of the guys i dated seemed to care (not that they wanted to get married anyway) and when i ended up on the med school track, Doc Hawke was just too cool. then i met Brandon. from our first hours of daydreaming about a future together (which were surprisingly early), i told him that i would be keeping my name. and i hoped he was okay with that. he was. he never mentioned it again and never tried to talk me out of it.
then i met his extended family.
and they were just so flippin’ cool. i loved them to pieces and i really enjoyed the way they warmly welcomed me into their extended fold in Small Town Nebraska. becoming part of his family felt more than just symbolic. and taking his name suddenly felt like more than just tradition.
i wanted his family to know how important they are to me. and taking their name on my professional degree and children and the rest of our lives was the best way i could think of doing that. shortly after Christmas holidays, i told Brandon about my change of heart. he was genuinely surprised. i was sort of surprised at myself too. but it feels right.
my new last name isn’t top secret. you could easily find it with a little digging. but i now have one of the most common names in North America and that’s kinda nice. there are 7,000+ people with my name on Facebook alone. 7,000!
continuing to write under jenniferhawke.com gives me a certain degree of anonymity. nowadays, the residents and doctors i work with know me only by my married name. it would take a little bit of work (or a sideswiping unexpected query) for them to uncover my website and i like it like that.
oh, and yesterday we finally got the documentation and money ($355 – yikes!) together to send in the first set of papers to U.S. Customs & Immigration. if Form I-130 goes through without a hitch, i will be formally registered as an Alien Family Member.
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photo: Duke got down in the dirt for this shot.
October 14th, 2009 at 7:32 am
I love you more and more as the days go on. It has been a wonderful experience thus far and I really cannot wait for what could be in store next.
PS: Big thanks to Duke for this shot because it is one of my favorites from that day!
October 14th, 2009 at 7:42 am
Welcome to the club! My married name is one of the most common in the entire world! :)
October 14th, 2009 at 11:23 am
i didn’t think i would take duke’s name but then i did and i love it though its not nearly as common, at least i got to keep the ‘z’ ;-)
i love that duke got down in the dirt for that shot, first time he’s done it and so very worth it …
and hmmmm … i likes the sound of ‘Alien Family Member’ !! :)
October 14th, 2009 at 12:31 pm
I’ll definitely take Nick’s name, for a few personal reasons, but mostly because I don’t have much connection to my own name so it’s an easy way for me to honor him. I was never terribly close to my fathers side of the family, and haven’t had the same name as my mother since I was 10, so … *shrug* As far as I can tell, all my last name gets is people mispelling/mispronouncing it all the time.
Anyway, it is even MORE awesome that you’re giving up your super-cool last name to honor his family. Major props for that. I think my giving up my name would mean a lot more if I actually cared about my current name, but I’ll have to stick with the half-assed sentiment until someone can go redo my childhood. :)
Rambling aside, I think it’s funny that your new last name is the fake last name I use at work to keep me ungoogleable by customers. I chose it because, well, it’s common… :D
October 14th, 2009 at 1:36 pm
I love this shot. Kudo’s to Duke!
I never saw it as “giving up” a name but rather a taking on or blessing of something more
October 14th, 2009 at 2:37 pm
I now have a very unique last name rather than the common last name I had prior to marriage – I think my new name sounds funny but I feel more like a family with the same last name as my husband. I debated hyphenating it and didn’t decide until almost the day before the wedding which way I would go but this feels right. New names are fun! I love the point of honoring his family by doing so – never thought of that. :)
October 14th, 2009 at 4:15 pm
I’d never change my last name..just saying.
October 16th, 2009 at 2:27 am
BCWB’s right – this is awe-some. In the traditional sense. The flags are so cool there! All’s needed is a Nevis flag sticker somewhere ;)
November 28th, 2009 at 5:12 am
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