One pink line
[Originally written on December 7th, 2009.]
“What’s Answer?” Brandon called from the front room as I unloaded the groceries.
He likes to review the receipt when I shop by myself. “44 items!” he’ll exclaim in mock indignation.
“Um, it’s a pregnancy test…” I replied busying myself with the bags so I didn’t have to look him in the eye, “I’m a little late and a little nervous.”
My period was due on Friday, December 5th. Today was Sunday.
Naturally, being well-read in the adverse affects of my caffeine addiction, I cut out coffee from the first day I thought I might be maybe a little bit pregnant. Caffeine restricts blood flow. Placentas and growing babies need blood to grow properly. Some studies say up to 300mg per day is okay, but I wasn’t taking any chances. I always thought I would be that sickeningly perfect pregnant woman that didn’t break any of the “rules” and was all glowy and barefooty.
So. No coffee for 4 days. Period 4 days late. Let me tell you, the symptoms of early pregnancy and caffeine withdrawal are nearly identical: mild headache, fatigue, irritability, and increased appetite. Monday morning, still no period, but I couldn’t tell if I was exhausted at 8am simply because I hadn’t had coffee since Thursday!
Turns out I needed caffeine. The first test I peed on Sunday morning was negative. One pink line. My period came on Tuesday. Only 5 days late, but enough to get the “what if?” wheels turning in my mind…
Are we actually trying to Get Pregnant? Well, no. Not officially. We just stopped trying to stay Not Pregnant. No charting or ovulation tracking or ordering magical baby dust online. If it happened, it happened. And I was okay with that.
Which, of course, meant I had to beat back the obsessive-compulsive type-A super-planning control-freak part of my brain with a very big stick.
I may seem to be a control freak about a lot of things, but generally I like to think I’m pretty laid back and go with the flow. My wedding planning definitely was like that. Everyone else did a great job of caring about the little details that didn’t bother me one way or another. Other than the bows, of course.
But something about figuring out how to juggle due dates in a year that will include cross-country travel for residency interviews and the inherent schedule in a woman’s monthly cycle was just too irresistible. Charts! Dates! Little tests to pee on! Heaven for those who love to mark things on calendars!
Fast forward a month later and I’m late again. I’m also enjoying my second cup of morning coffee because, well, why go through caffeine withdrawal for a false alarm twice in two months?? I think I’ve scrapped the glowy and barefooty plans too. The only thing glowy about me right now is the giant new pimple on my chin. I’d joke about heading out to buy a bottle of hard alcohol but someone somewhere would take me seriously and then I’d have to explain I was joking and, well, explaining just takes the fun out of the joke.
So here I am typing about not trying to stay Not Pregnant and over a week late. The biggest thing I’m afraid of? (This is where your brain flashes up a PowerPoint presentation of all the scary things that come with pregnancy and it’s about 425 slides long because there are a LOT). No, none of those. The biggest thing I’m afraid of at this early point is the can of whoopass unsolicited advice bound to be sparked from this post.
ARE YOU CRAZY? Are you going to drop out of school? You’re still young — why not wait?? What’s the rush? How are you going to PAY FOR IT? What will you say in residency interviews in the fall? How will you handle your surgery rotation? Are you really going to keep drinking coffee?
I think you get the picture. Feel free to ask as many questions as you like. We’ve probably already thought about them and I will be more than happy to include a post with our house-of-cards plans.
But in the end, I really just want you to be happy for us. And I want to figure out how to have an online shower so you all can come!
We are so screwed. : )
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March 12th, 2010 at 7:10 am
I had my daughter at 33 because until then, I’d been thinking “The time is not right”. Guess what? The time had been right for years before I got pregnant and the ONLY thing I regret is not having a baby earlier. My energy levels were much higher five or seven years ago; younger mums tend to enjoy playing in the sand more than I do. Of course, this is all individual and when you come to think about it, it’s not all that important, but I just wanted to say, I understand your decision.
I wish you a happy pregnancy and am really overjoyed for both of you.
March 12th, 2010 at 8:57 am
oh my goodness, CONGRATS!!! And don’t you worry one bit (or let others bring you down), about having a baby while in med school! thousands of women have done it, and thousands more will! SO HAPPY for you!!! :)
March 12th, 2010 at 9:11 am
Congratulations! My husband and I are equally screwed. But it’s a happy screwed! :)
March 12th, 2010 at 11:55 am
Congratulations, Jenn and Brandon! ! You two will be *just fine* …. sometimes the best laid plans don’t always work out, and in my experience, the best things happen when you are NOT expecting it/them.
And, thousands of men and women have had their children and still completed their education(s); you two are competent enough to handle anything and everything that comes your way.
I’m SOOOoooo thrilled for both of you. Again, congratulations, and take care of yourself! :)
The Karma Wheel DOES spin….. ((( )))
March 12th, 2010 at 12:06 pm
EEEE!! I KNEW it!! Congrats Jen :)
March 12th, 2010 at 12:15 pm
I wondered with your “pink elephant” post. I’m also pregnant and am due early October. I’m only 9 weeks but have told co- workers and family. It’s hard to keep this news secret, ESP when tired and nauseous.
So my questions are: when is your due date and also have you heard / seen the heartbeat?
Congrats all around! (to me also :))
March 12th, 2010 at 12:35 pm
well you already know i am ecstatic over here, so incredibly happy for you two growing three and honestly, i had the aidenator when i was in uni and so absolutely know that no matter the situation, it is all so wonderfully doable :-)
hugs all around, xoxox
March 12th, 2010 at 12:58 pm
i knew it! the last post was so obvious with the “pink (or blue) elephant” bit and the keeping quiet for 12 weeks… I was about to fire off an email to you when i read it but decided to wait for you to announce on your own time.
very happy for you both. so maybe it isn’t the ideal time/situation but when is it ever the “right time” to have a baby? you both have so much love to give. everything is going to be great.
i’m not a baby person myself, but i have a 16 month old niece and i can honestly tell you, my life is better with her in it.
congrats! :0)
March 12th, 2010 at 3:54 pm
1. Please, please, I beg of you…don’t be one of those women who say “we’re pregnant”.
2. Technically, when you stop trying not to have a baby, you’re trying to have a baby.
3. duh jillian
4. CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!! (call it sarah if it’s a girl).
March 12th, 2010 at 4:12 pm
The only advice I have is for Brandon, and that’s to cut way the hell back on caffeine during your third trimester so his tolerance is down when the baby gets here and he really needs it. Other than that, just relax, enjoy the ride, and check in with one another frequently.
In this life, you never know what you’re going to get. When I was younger, I didn’t have kids because my then-wife didn’t want them (in retrospect: Phew!). Then I met Christie, and we tried for so long, and it didn’t work, and we’d given up, and then suddenly, we had a kid, and now she’s suddenly almost two!
As the guru says, “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”
March 12th, 2010 at 4:35 pm
We are also ecstatic for the four (five!) of you. Even if I *had* assvice to give, I wouldn’t. It’s your lives and your happiness. I hope others can realize that and just be happy and excited and nervous along with you! :-D
March 12th, 2010 at 5:12 pm
Congratulations!
This just made my day. I don’t know why, but seeing others being happy and embarking on new chapters in their lives just puts a smile on my face.
Also – you’ll have a baby born in OK, and it’ll be an American. A Canadian having an American.
March 12th, 2010 at 5:59 pm
Having an American baby can only help us to get through the immigration hoops all that much faster. I wanted to thank everyone for their advice and heart warming compliments and congratulations. I am nervous as could be, but realize that is part of the process. I cannot wait to see what is next in store on our journey. Hearing the heartbeat on Tuesday was simply amazing and was actually the first time that I felt genuinely nervous considering it finally began to feel real.
March 13th, 2010 at 3:37 am
YAY!!! Wishing you all the happiness in the world xxxxxx
March 13th, 2010 at 8:41 am
I’m happy for you and I’m proud of you.
March 13th, 2010 at 11:17 am
I’m so happy for you two. There really is no perfect time to have a baby, and yet, every time is perfect. I love you!
March 13th, 2010 at 10:53 pm
dear baby brown, you are so loved! – your mom is just fantastic – and your daddy, well he will be having you play football in no time, (so let your kicking begin) and my oh my, what a great time you will have giggling and laughing with Maddy and Sue….. not to mention the pure joy you will deliver just because you are wonderful beautiful and perfice YOU :) Baby Brown – you are so very loved!
March 15th, 2010 at 7:03 am
Oh my gosh.. I’m so happy for all 4 (you, Brandon, Maddy and Suh) of you!! Here’s wishing you gentle mornings and restful evenings.. at least for the time being :-)
xx