Still studying…
Lately, I am unhappy with everything that comes with being a student.
1) studying sucks
I’m in that netherland of wanting more time to prepare properly for the exam(s) and just wanting it them to be over already. In a lot of ways, this score is more important for my residency application than Step 1, but I just can’t get anymore get-up-and-go than I’ve already given. Maybe I need to re-read some of my previous posts from Nevis. I was pretty dang motivated back then. I just feel worn down now.
2) piles of paperwork for residency application
Gah. You guys have been awesome in helping me get to a comfortable 3rd draft of my Personal Statement. I’ve decided to use that version to accompany the information packets I’m handing out with Letter of Recommendation requests. I will sit on the thing until summer when I have to submit it to the electronic residency application system and have a look at it with fresh eyes then. I think that was the biggest hurdle as far as paperwork goes. Now I just have to narrow down programs and get some serious networking done at the Family Medicine National Conference in July.
3) $0.00 in my chequing account
Not much explainin’ needs to be done here. Brandon has done a super awesome job of paying all our bills and making sure we have food in the fridge. He is amazing and works harder than anyone should have to. It really sucks that I can’t contribute more to the household expenses or have a small personal cash flow (for things like lawn chairs and grape creamslushes). Right now, every penny my mom sends me goes into a savings account for next semester’s tuition and most of what my dad sends me goes to paying interest on my student line of credit. Ugh.
4) current rotation
To top it all off, I don’t really like my current rotation. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate it and the doctors I work with are all super nice. But it’s just not my field and doesn’t get my YAH I WANNA BE A DOCTOR ticker going. I’m kinda lost in the academics and forgetting what this whole process is meant to be about: turning me into a caring professional and servant of the medical field. All of the American animosity and disappointment with the legislative healthcare changes isn’t helping. Just about every doctor at the hospital likes to joke with students that we should really choose another career. If I had to write an essay right now on why I want to be a doctor when I grow up, I think I would be stumped. Working on my Personal Statement was a good reminder, but some of it feels more like words than dreams.
I’m all tuckered out. I’d rather go back to bed with the dogs.
You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
May 13th, 2010 at 9:08 am
What? Why are the doctors telling you that? Seriously, what are they saying?
May 13th, 2010 at 9:09 am
I wonder how much the healthcare reform reaction is a function of being in Oklahoma. I’m in a much more liberal part of the country (only a few hundred miles a way, oddly), and the docs here are much more positive about it. In fact, during the debate, my doc and I often joked about how glad we were that no “government bureaucrats” were involved in healthcare while my insurance company was giving us grief about my migraine meds.
May 13th, 2010 at 4:01 pm
I have never told a student to pick another career, I don’t always love internal medicine… but I do most of the time… still if I had to do some more… surgery, psych, gynae, paeds… I might cry
May 13th, 2010 at 9:07 pm
Chin up daughter! As the old saying says It is always darkest just before dawn. And after 37 years of trucking: seeing the sun rise, many very beautiful, it is a truism. Many a days has passed with two or three hours of sleep but the fact remains nothing is harder to reach than ones goals and dreams. Just know your new extended family is there in heart and spirit praying for your strength and spirit. Perseveration and Carpe Diem. LOVE Dad B
May 14th, 2010 at 4:17 am
dude, look on the bright side! As long as you’re a student, you don’t need to pay back those loans!
May 15th, 2010 at 11:46 am
I can imagine you would rather go back to bed with the dogs. The path you’ve chosen is a much more challenging one than most and you won’t always be fresh and lively for it 100% of the time. Don’t beat yourself up too much lady-o. I know you will find all the strength you need to keep things going in a forward motion. Love you.