Currently reading: “Just Let Me Lie Down”
An attending I recently worked with is a married mother of two kids (now 18 and 20) and just could not fathom what stay-at-home moms do all day. The impending doom bliss of my growing belly has prompted many similar conversations with women at work. Whether you choose to stay at home or go to work while your little one grows up, I think there are a lot of misconceptions and misinformed stereotypes on both sides of the fence.
Organized in an alphabetized list of definitions, this book by Kristin van Ogtrop is fun and funny and easy to read. Brandon picked it off the “Mother’s Day” table at a local bookstore and it’s a good little read.
One of the main themes of this book is that there is no single path in motherhood. Every mom makes her own way as she learns from her mistakes and figures out what works for her family. I like this open, non-judgmental approach. I am probably secretly envious of women that have the luxury(?) and leisure(?)* of making their kids their full-time career.
But, as van Ogtrop says: it’ll probably be better in the long-run for me to be around less because it gives me less of a chance to screw my kids up.
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*Would stay-at-home moms really call their life “luxurious and leisurely”? Not likely. But I consider the ability to comfortably live and pay down debt with one income a luxury indeed.
June 28th, 2010 at 7:05 pm
welcome back. I missed you. I stayed home with my son for the first two years. Mainly because we simply could not afford daycare. I didn’t go out and get a job unitl he was old enough to go to a daycare and repeat to me what he did all day. For me it was a safety concern.
However…let me just say….I love working..I think it’s imperative to my mental well being to get out of the house and go do something other than being a wife/mother etc full time. I do agree that it’s a luxury to afford to raise a family on one income without going broke or wearing the same pair of shoes (which I personally did for 3 years) consistently. I think if you can afford to do the stay at home thing and that’s whats in your heart…do it. If you enjoy having mental challenges and working relationships and work/life purpose outside of the home then that’s the right choice.
I personally was a better mother once I had a more well rounded life. But that’s me.
p.s. the headphones on belly…joy!!
June 28th, 2010 at 7:09 pm
oops..meant to also say when I was wearing those same Keds for 3 years (in rain, snow, sleet, ice in Western PA too) it used to really piss me off when people would say “oh it must be nice to raise your son”. I wanted to angrily retort “it must be nice to drive that shiny new big SUV and wear those designer clothes” because it wasn’t nice. It was a huge sacrifice. It was hard financially and mentally. The Internet did not exist 17 years ago. I was at home….largely alone with a little baby. I nearly went berzerk…and trust me..you know I loved that little nugget with all my heart. I don’t regret my staying at home with him…but for me it was a lot of sacrifice…it wasn’t all nice…it was all choice.
June 29th, 2010 at 3:37 pm
Being a SAHM is not for everyone. In fact it is not for most women, which shocked me.
I’ve found they all have their own reasons for doing better while working and being Moms, be it less time with their kids, more money, something other than their kids to partake in etc. I only know 2 other SAHMs who are truly happy and thankful that they do what they do and I know for all of us it was a journey to get there.
I will say that I have a hard time with the whole SAHM being a luxury. Without stereotyping everyone there are too many people with new everything, cars, oversized houses who can’t “afford” to stay home. They can’t afford to because they choose not to. Having come from parents who really did sacrifice to raise my siblings and I, it really burns my bacon. I think people have really lost sight about what’s important, not just when raising kids, but in living their everyday life.