Embarrassed
I knew that going to a Caribbean medical school would have its drawbacks. I knew I would have to work harder and smarter to get the crumbs fallen from slices of bread that are readily handed to my Canadian and American med school counterparts. I figured the stigma would be strongest while doing clinical rotations in the USA and was pleasantly surprised when I was welcomed with open arms by every attending I met along the way. Nobody has looked down on me or claimed I didn’t go to a “real” medical school. I’ve received nothing but genuine praise, sincere acclaim, and occasional surprise when rated on my performance in the hospital and clinic.
Now, for the first time, I’m actually embarrassed to say I’m an MUA student.
Also for the first time, I’m realizing that working harder and smarter may not be enough.
My recent application to do an elective clerkship rotation at an unnamed program in an unnamed state somewhere in the Midwest was dismissed straight away because of where I went to school. Even after submitting my CV and Personal Statement, the faculty committee elected to maintain their new blanket policy of not admitting MUA students into their program. While the program director was very polite and nice and I appreciated their honesty and candidness, my initial reaction was to be embarrassed. Of course I am disappointed — and that felt natural — but I was surprised at how embarrassed I felt.
How can they know I’m not good enough for their program because of where I went to school??
Upon further reflection, I’m not entirely disappointed at the way things turned out. The program is in a pretty remote area without a lot of other programs available for Brandon to choose from when he matches in 2012. During this residency application and interview process, I know that having certain doors close will be as important as others opening in determining the best place for us to end up next year.
Still. How can they know I’m not good enough for their program because of where I went to school??
The answer to that question makes me nervous as I prepare to submit my residency application to a variety of programs in a variety of states. How many other program directors and faculty committees will dismiss me straight-away without a second look because I went to MUA? How many places won’t even give me the chance to provide a second (or first!) impression?
I guess we have to believe that the Perfect Program (both for me and our family goals) will be looking to fill their program with students based on individual merit and personality, not stereotypical stigma based on poor performance by previous students.
I guess we have to believe that we’ll end up exactly where we’re supposed to be.
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photo: Brandon and I in our sparkling new short white coats, full of optimism on Nevis after completion of Basic Sciences.
July 27th, 2010 at 6:57 am
I love this picture of you guys.
,,,and yes- you do end up exactly where your supposed to be. I trust that
July 27th, 2010 at 9:35 am
That must be so frustrating to not even have a chance to prove yourself worthy. You’re right though, you have to believe that it will work out!
July 27th, 2010 at 10:03 am
*hugs* I don’t think you have anything to be embarrassed about – you’ve worked your butt off (both of you have) – and if some program directors aren’t willing to see that, it’s totally their loss. You and Brandon are going to make amazing doctors and you should be proud at how hard and long you’ve persevered to get this far.
If you can survive Nevis, you can do anything! :-D The right program will come your way and will be ecstatic to have you both on board.
July 27th, 2010 at 10:49 am
You have the right attitude Jen. The right placement will come your way. It will all fall into place. Other MUA students have gone before you and done well, right? Think about the successes, not the failures, and you’ll be poised to blaze some new trails. I have faith in you.
July 27th, 2010 at 11:46 am
Thanks for posting this
July 27th, 2010 at 3:10 pm
Having an autoimmune condition, I’ve had to see a *lot* of doctors over the past five years. The funny thing is, it never once crossed my mind to ask any of my doctors where they went to school. I care that they know their stuff and that I feel comfortable with them. I’m sure that is what your patients will care about, too. So, try not to worry about those (shamefully) closed doors.
July 27th, 2010 at 4:13 pm
It’s not you- it’s them! You’re learning to be a doctor in the US (isn’t the book work/labs just about the same anywhere?!) and doing well on the same licensing exams which means you are just as good. In fact, your intelligence + (the vital trait of) compassion will make you and Brandon better doctors than many! Between what I’ve seen spending my college years among the premeds and the past 7.5 years working in hospitals, I bet money on it. Apply at Ohio State! Maybe you will be my doctor one day. ;)
July 27th, 2010 at 7:31 pm
im sorry :(
it makes me bummed out too.
July 28th, 2010 at 4:40 am
Hey, sorry to hear that! But I wanted to share something with you that I was totally surprised to discover last year! There were several programs, which I applied for electives at, who turned me down for one reason or another. But I went ahead and still applied to them for residency positions. And guess what? I got interviews! Actually, they ended up loving me! So, I was surprised to discover that getting an elective can be more competitive than getting a residency! Also, there were electives that I wanted to apply for at some schools, but didn’t even try bc they had a strict policy of not accepting any NON AMG students. ever. But guess what? I also got interviews there! Anyhoo, just thought you should know. I never would have guessed that it’s harder to get a position as a med student then a position as a doctor!!
July 31st, 2010 at 10:11 pm
Oh I wouldn’t want to do my electives or residency anywhere that closed-minded attitude. It’s a blessing in disguise.
The perfect place will come along soon!!!!
Good luck :)
August 3rd, 2010 at 7:22 pm
I just finished a rotation in Canada, which I was able to arrange because I knew the preceptor. One of the staff in the clinic told me “I was surprised to see where you went to school, we had a student from the Caribbean here a few years ago and he/she was awful!” I’m glad to say that by the end of the rotation, this particular person was asking whether I was applying for residency there.
sigh…
Keep plugging away.