jenniferhawke.com

“Nothing in the world is permanent, and we’re foolish when we ask anything to last, but surely we’re still more foolish not to take delight in it while we have it.”
~ W. Somerset Maugham

“Things do not change; we change.”
~ Henry David Thoreau

today’s photo is from my first day on Nevis in August, 2007:

i have been up for a couple of hours drinking coffee, reading the local newspaper, doing the crossword, checking email, writing up a shopping list, talking to Tessa, drinking more coffee with ginger nut cookies, sitting on the patio watching lizards, and listening to the loudspeaker across the way playing what sounded like the same song over and over again. i later realized it was just the same opening chords and melody. an artist with little variation other than the lyrics.

our (very) loosely planned day includes things like: stopping by Thrifty to legitimize our rental with official paperwork, checking out the MUA campus, unloading and unpacking at the new house (fingers crossed), grocery trip with the rental car to pick up necessities like toilet paper and cleaning supplies, and — of course — checking out the nearest swimming beach.

the sunshine this morning has managed to bathe all of my emotional turbulence in a lovely golden glow. i really am happy to be here and excited for the next year. i promise not to whine about being deserted on a beautiful Caribbean island too much!

for those of you that remember, i really didn’t like Nevis when i first arrived. it reminded me of Zambia and i wasn’t sure how i would possibly be able to put up with 20 months in such a backwards place where i never felt like i belonged. i was nervous. i cried my eyes out in the shower on my first night after that ridiculously long plane trip. i missed Maddy. i wanted to go home.

it sucked.

but i didn’t give up. i stuck through it. and time rewarded me by flying by as fast as possible.

so here i am. my time here has changed me in many ways: i am more patient and have a lot more wrinkles.

good-bye for now, dearest Nevis. i’m sure i’ll be back soon.

my trip home:
April 15th 2:05pm – Nevis to Antigua (2:30pm)
April 16th 3:45pm – Antigua to Toronto (8:50pm)
April 17th 8:25am – Toronto to Regina (9:40am)

well, it’s done. our last exam at MUA.

wow.

i planned to officially really-for-real start studying for the United States Medical Licensing Exam on May 1st. that gives me 17 days of holiday. and i’m going to enjoy every one of the 24,480 minutes.

here is the slideshow video i put together for our little white-coat-goodbye ceremony this afternoon. it’s a tear-jerker. or maybe i’m actually sad to be leaving this little island.

Brandon’s mom and dad are doing a great job acting as surrogates and making up for the fact that my own parents couldn’t make it down for this last week. they are funny and fun and adventurous and easy-going and easy to talk to.

his dad is like my dad: an eloquent truck driver with a dry sense of humour.

his mom is like my mom: supportive and proud with suitcases full of love.

the Mount Nevis Hotel has given them the best room they have and are taking great care to ensure everyone is happy and comfortable. we’re trying to hold up our end of the tour guide bargain by shuttling them to the beach and helping them spend a small fortune on eating out.

we’re all going snorkeling this afternoon. you know, take our minds off the Giant Scary Exam we just wrote and try to cheer us up with the consolation that if we have to come back to re-write in July it won’t be that bad because — hey! look! — little fishes under the water!

i’m not sure i’ve sung the praises of our little hotel on the mount loudly or often enough. we moved into a villa on the adjoining estate grounds last October and immensely appreciate the quiet security provided for our last few months of studies. not to mention the gym facility is outstanding by Nevis standards, second only to the Four Seasons.

the MED 5 White Coat Ceremony will be held up here on Tuesday afternoon. it seems a fitting place to say goodbye to classmates and the island.

if you are considering a vacation to Nevis or have family coming to visit, Dr. M, Tara, Monica and the gang will take great care of you. even if you don’t stay in the hotel, be sure to check out the restaurant for dinner reservations — the sunset view of St. Kitts is to-die-for.

[previous monthly letters: 18... 17... 16... 15... 14... 13... 12... 11... 10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1]

“Someday we’ll look back on this moment and plow into a parked car.”
~ Evan Davis

dearest Nevis,

this is my last letter to you. my last monthly update. my last few weeks on your little gem of an island. i’m swamped with the expected mixture of excitement about moving on and sadness at leaving you behind. i don’t doubt i will look back fondly on my time here. and will probably miss you more as the years roll by and my glasses become tinted with the rose-color of passing time. like a long-lost ex-boyfriend, i’ll easily forget the way you left your socks everywhere and spend my memories sighing over the times you surprised me with hand-picked flowers.

March came and went in the blink of an eye. i’ll believe you when you tell me that there were 31 days, but will probably look to a calendar for proof. April 1st feels like a Fool’s Day joke straight from Father Time. if i had a dime for each time i’ve commented on how fast the days are flying, i could probably pay off a significant portion of my student debt. i’m sure you’re sick of hearing it. i’m learning to hold on tight to the rollercoaster and enjoy it. because i really don’t think it’s going to slow down anytime soon.

and i’m okay with that.

my friend, Brigette came all the way from Vancouver to visit during the last week of February. it was positively wonderful to have her giddy laugh fill our little house for those 7 days. and let’s not forget the fact that more than half of her suitcase was filled with sugary Canadian goodies! she got a funny sunburn and an upset tummy from Pizza Beach, but i hope she found the rest and rejuvenation she needed. plus, she got to see monkeys and donkeys and goats and sheep and hummingbirds and cockroaches and sand and surf and the bottom of a white wine bottle. i certainly enjoyed her visit here as an excuse to take some time off myself.

Brandon made a new friend in late February. he named her Georgia and we enjoyed multiple daily visits from her for several weeks. she would crawl under the chain-link fence and come sit by our kitchen window in the morning and evenings. one night she even stopped by at 2am and ferociously guarded our house from some predator of the dark. we knew she was there because her incessant barking also protected us from soundly sleeping any more that night. Brandon toyed with the idea of taking her back home to Nebraska, but i think he decided in the end that it would be unfair to ask her to give up the free roam she has here on Nevis in exchange for even the biggest backyard.

we haven’t seen Georgia in a few days now and are hoping that doesn’t mean something bad has happened to her. maybe she just moved on to another kitchen window.

speaking of kitchens and food, i will miss the care packages full of sugary love. friends and family back home were wonderfully supportive with their diabetes-inducing boxes that took weeks and months to arrive. but i’ll trade those in any day for a grocery store with fresh organic produce that doesn’t cost as much as a month’s tuition. i won’t miss checking expiry dates and shopping in the frozen-canned-packaged food sections. i guess the day has finally arrived: i’m a little sick of Eggos.

the New Building on campus opened its’ doors to MED 5’s for our final few exams and classes are being held there as of March 25th. most of us that have been at MUA for any length of time (and those of you that have moved on to clinical rotations in the USA) can hardly believe it’s actually open. it feels like it has been under construction for-ever (since well before i got here in September 2007), but looks like it was well worth the wait. the new classrooms are gorgeous and the bathrooms are positively decadent.

the phases of the moon wax and wane. the tides roll in and out. i arrived on Nevis like a wave crashing onto the beach. and am about to be sucked back to the sea.

be sure to keep in touch. don’t be a stranger. take care of yourself.

all my love,
`Jennifer XO

[previous monthly letters: 17...16... 15... 14... 13... 12... 11... 10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1]

“So divinely is the world organized that every one of us, in our place and time, is in balance with everything else.”
~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

dearest Nevis,

i keep looking at my calendar in an attempt to keep up with my study schedule, but since the chunks are divided into hours and days, i almost forget to notice when a month is about to rollover into the next one. March! wow.

back home, the snow refuses to stop falling. and the cold temperature refuses to start rising. here on the island, it has been windier and rainier than i can remember at this time of year. some days it feels like another Omar is around the corner, even though i know the season is off.

February has been a wonderful month. i mailed in my ECFMG Form 186 to prove my identification for when i write the USMLE Step 1. i went to my last Nevis Humane Society meeting. i spent every Friday morning and Sunday afternoon in the hospital with Dean T. Brandon took me out for a romantic Valentine’s dinner where we forgot about studying for a couple of hours and remembered what it was like to just stare at each other all night with hearts floating out of our big round eyes. block 2 exams came and went with a little less disappointment than block 1. we threw a party. Brigette arrived all the way from Vancouver! i baked cookies and cupcakes and brownies for a bake sale. i canceled my parents’ trip to visit us here. and i hopped over to St. Kitts for a day.

oh yah. i went to class and studied every day too.

and yes, you read that correctly. i canceled my parents’ trip down to your beautiful shores. after 7 months of flight changes and juggling and sitting on hold with Travelocity for 2-hour chunks of time while they tried to sort things out and tried to get us overnight accommodation due to cancellations and re-routes, my mom gently suggested on the phone one night:

“well, maybe this is the way it’s meant to be.”

Nevis, you’re really not an easy place to get to. and having two out of three airlines that fly in here outright cancel their service after March* 6th doesn’t make it any easier. as much as i would love to have them here, i think my parents are going to save their money** and come to my Real REAL graduation in Gardner, Massachusetts in 2011.

in the meantime, i’m just hoping my (rather convoluted, as usual) flights home will go off without too much hassle. i already know that hauling my bike through 4 airports in 3 days and 2 overnight stays is going to be a huge pain in the rear.

but before then, March promises to be a whirlwind. 5 days of classes left. 3 clinical medicine labs. 2 shelf exams. 1 block exam. 1 practical exam.

they say absence makes the heart grow fonder, dearest Nevis. i think we need to break up soon, so i can have time to miss you before i come back again.

all my love,
`Jennifer

————
*for WinAir and i believe early April for American Airlines/Eagle.

**not only is it hard to get down here from the middle of Canada, it’s expensive. my parents’ tickets through Travelocity were not cheap and my Evil Wicked Stepmother spent at least another $1800. add to that the fact that i no longer have a second bedroom for them to stay in (i was still in the old house in July when i planned the trip) and the “best deal” rooms we could find still ran $200US/night. that makes their 10-day trip close to the cost of a semester of tuition down here. and HOLY CRAP that is a lot of money.

thankfully, Travelocity is fully refunding the tickets without penalty (or silly airline voucher) because of the multiple leg changes and cancellations. after all, i booked my parents’ a trip to Nevis and getting them only to St. Maarten just isn’t good enough.

from The Sydney Morning Herald on Feb 16th:

Hotels on an upmarket Caribbean island have decided to offer potential customers a rebate on the cost of their flight in a bid to keep cash-strapped tourists coming.

The airline credit scheme is one of a number of quirky innovations that tourism operators across the world are introducing during a global recession.

In recent years, tiny Nevis has become a luxury hotspot, with Hollywood stars and moneyed-up CEOs choosing it as an ideal spot to get away from it all.

But with the global economy having taken a turn for a worst, the island’s hoteliers are taking steps to keep business coming in. A group of Nevis top hotels have got together with the island’s tourism authority to launch an airline credit scheme.

Any visitors staying for four or more nights in a participating hotel will be given a $US200 ($A306) credit on their final bill to cover part of the cost of getting to the island.

yah, airline credit is nice and all. if you can find an airline (other than Liat) to fly in here.

i love how they call tiny Nevis a “luxury hotspot”. people pay thousands of dollars to come on holiday here. and i have another 49 sleeps!

Friday, February 6th
430-7pm on the beach at Coconut Grove Restaurant

a message from the Humane Society:

Your attendance & input is very important-and please invite anyone else you know who would be interested in supporting our mission.

At this meeting, we will report on activities for the past year, present our 2008 financial statement, solicit your input for ideas & goals for 2009, and ask you to elect a new Board of Directors for 2009.

hope to see you there!

[previous monthly letters: 16... 15... 14... 13... 12... 11... 10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1]

“But be, as you have been, my happiness… “
~ Randall Jarrell

dearest Nevis,

unfortunately, it’s actually only 2.5 months until i head back to North America and leave you behind indefinitely. although, if my flight with Liat* doesn’t get sorted out, i may be here longer than i think.

the days are full and flying by faster than i can keep track. i know some friends and family back home have been along vicariously for the ride and have a hard time believing it’s already been 17 months! this time last year, i was struggling with microbiology and genetics and epidemiology. this time next year, i will be struggling with residents and fellow interns and unique ways to stay awake during long shifts. 2009 promises to hold a lot of adventures and surprises.

i am still happy and cozy in our little house with our little car. coming home after Christmas holidays, we sort of dreaded finding a lake in our kitchen again, but everything was clean and dry. and smelled like mold. flip flops and venetian blinds and small corners of shirts and leather wallets and my Merck Manual all had a fine layer of green fuzz. the shoes went straight into the pool. everything else was dusted off and recovered nicely. not so sure about our lungs.

still, it’s a neat little place to live and i know i will always look back fondly on my time in the cool, shaded basement suite with the brightly lapping private pool and uninterrupted view of St. Kitts. the owner and staff of the Mount Nevis Hotel & Estates do a friendly job of taking care of us and i don’t doubt our parents will be in good hands when they stay at the hotel in April.

the rest of the month has been a bit of a blur. big surprise. MED 5 started, along with the privilege of walking around campus knowing you’re finally at the top of the tower. the top! nothing left to do except finish up and go home! a few of us are nervous about the comprehensive final. a few of us are not. i remember when i arrived in MED 1 and would see rather dejected or forlorn or downright frustrated and angry MED 5s walking around. i used to wonder what on earth could possibly happen in 16 short months to make them look that way?? this is Nevis! it is SO gorgeous and warm and beautiful here! how could anything be as bad as the look on their faces and slump in their shoulders?

now i understand.

little things happen. they happen all around the world. but for some reason, being on this tiny island makes it easier for them to pile up. in fact, they almost seem to multiply like rabbits (or cats by the MUA library) in self-perpetuating litters. the circles are never-ending. something as simple as someone cutting in front of you in the cafeteria line can sour your entire day. and it’s nearly impossible — in our self-centered world of studying — to comprehend the fact that maybe someone cut in front of that person yesterday.

it’s not any one thing that makes the MED 5s grumpy and annoyed and just DONE with Nevis already. it’s a zillion little things that we don’t know how to let go or get over.

we’re ready to go home. to the home where we know things will happen they way they are expected. credit card machines will work properly at the grocery store when you have an overflowing cart and zero cash. electricity bills will be a standard and somewhat expected amount each month and won’t fluctuate dramatically with meter reading errors or extra “surcharges”. bank machines will give you money instead of making that whirring sound like it’s delivering pretend invisible bills. roads will be wide enough to easily fit two vehicles and have lines down the middle and cars will stay on their side. garbage will stay in its’ container until the garbageman comes to get it. grocery stores will be stocked with Kraft Dinner and diet soda and salad dressing that have months or even years before they expire. conversations with dear and beloved and even distant friends will happen over coffee or lunch instead of email or iChat.

yep. i’m ready to go home.

and yep. i’ll miss you like crazy when i’m gone. trying to enjoy every last day while i can.

all my love,
`Jennifer

————
*coming back after the holidays, Liat delayed us in Antigua and re-routed us through St. Kitts too late to take a ferry over to Nevis. so we were stuck on St. Kitts (hotel, taxi, ferry) at our own expense when the airline flatly refused to accommodate the 20 people they rather dramatically inconvenienced because some missed essential flight connections. oh, and our luggage didn’t show up for another few days.

this time around, i am flying home with my parents and unfortunately, the first leg of our flight is Nevis > Angtigua with Liat. last week i received an email that pushed our flight back nearly 6 hours. which means we would miss our connection into Toronto. when i called to inquire, i was told that the best they could do is put us on the same flight a day earlier and that there would be no compensation for accommodation. any refund would be in the form of a voucher (for an airline that only travels in the Caribbean and that i hope to never ever have to fly again).

i am currently waiting to hear back from “a supervisor” at Travelocity (i booked my parents’ tickets through them) to see if they came up with a solution.

my parents and Evil Wicked Stepmother arrive* on Nevis at 250PM on April 8th. i have been thinking of the “must see” and “must do” places for while they are here. at the top of the list for my dad is a place called Rodney’s.

Rodney is a large woman in short pants with a rather exhaustive way of telling you the items on today’s menu. her sign out front advertises “STRICKLY LOCAL FOOD & DRINK” and i can hardly wait. i know my dad will order the goat water for sure.

————
*but before that! Brigette arrives on February 21st and we will definitely not be drinking goat water.