[Originally written January 10, 2009.]

I’m peeing constantly. Feeling mild cramping, but no nausea. Putting red pepper flakes on almost all of my food. Eating everything in sight and am already up to 138lbs. That can’t be right, can it?? Taking my pre-natal vitamin with folic acid each morning. Trying to eat fruit with every breakfast and veggies with every lunch.

Oh, and I haven’t had caffeine in 4 days. *sigh*

I peed on a stick on Sunday: two pink lines.

Brandon and I freaked out about the cost. So I went to talk with social services at the hospital on Monday.

Peed in a cup at the health department clinic on Tuesday: another positive. And an official estimated due date of September 14th.

Told our parents Tuesday. What did my mom say (after squealing with delight)? “You’ll eat like a horse. You’ll go from a small A to a big C cup, so be sure to use body lotion. Thankfully you come from a long line of 8-hour-no-hassle deliveries.”

The giant pimple that announced my surging hormones turned into two and is finally starting to fade. I’m wondering how new mamas think about ANYTHING ELSE during this period. I am devouring pregnancy discussion boards, do and don’t lists, and trying to conceive (TTC*) stories of other women across the continent. It’s all overwhelming and heartbreaking and uplifting at the same time.

Our parents are on board. Some reluctantly. And their support is important to me. Some moments I am so flippin’ scared.

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*You would not believe the acronyms used on these bulletin boards! TTC, FIL, MIL, DS, DD, DH, BFP, BFN. Reading is like trying to decipher morse code.

[Originally written on December 7th, 2009.]

“What’s Answer?” Brandon called from the front room as I unloaded the groceries.

He likes to review the receipt when I shop by myself. “44 items!” he’ll exclaim in mock indignation.

“Um, it’s a pregnancy test…” I replied busying myself with the bags so I didn’t have to look him in the eye, “I’m a little late and a little nervous.”

My period was due on Friday, December 5th. Today was Sunday.

Naturally, being well-read in the adverse affects of my caffeine addiction, I cut out coffee from the first day I thought I might be maybe a little bit pregnant. Caffeine restricts blood flow. Placentas and growing babies need blood to grow properly. Some studies say up to 300mg per day is okay, but I wasn’t taking any chances. I always thought I would be that sickeningly perfect pregnant woman that didn’t break any of the “rules” and was all glowy and barefooty.

So. No coffee for 4 days. Period 4 days late. Let me tell you, the symptoms of early pregnancy and caffeine withdrawal are nearly identical: mild headache, fatigue, irritability, and increased appetite. Monday morning, still no period, but I couldn’t tell if I was exhausted at 8am simply because I hadn’t had coffee since Thursday!

Turns out I needed caffeine. The first test I peed on Sunday morning was negative. One pink line. My period came on Tuesday. Only 5 days late, but enough to get the “what if?” wheels turning in my mind…

Are we actually trying to Get Pregnant? Well, no. Not officially. We just stopped trying to stay Not Pregnant. No charting or ovulation tracking or ordering magical baby dust online. If it happened, it happened. And I was okay with that.

Which, of course, meant I had to beat back the obsessive-compulsive type-A super-planning control-freak part of my brain with a very big stick.

I may seem to be a control freak about a lot of things, but generally I like to think I’m pretty laid back and go with the flow. My wedding planning definitely was like that. Everyone else did a great job of caring about the little details that didn’t bother me one way or another. Other than the bows, of course.

But something about figuring out how to juggle due dates in a year that will include cross-country travel for residency interviews and the inherent schedule in a woman’s monthly cycle was just too irresistible. Charts! Dates! Little tests to pee on! Heaven for those who love to mark things on calendars!

Fast forward a month later and I’m late again. I’m also enjoying my second cup of morning coffee because, well, why go through caffeine withdrawal for a false alarm twice in two months?? I think I’ve scrapped the glowy and barefooty plans too. The only thing glowy about me right now is the giant new pimple on my chin. I’d joke about heading out to buy a bottle of hard alcohol but someone somewhere would take me seriously and then I’d have to explain I was joking and, well, explaining just takes the fun out of the joke.

So here I am typing about not trying to stay Not Pregnant and over a week late. The biggest thing I’m afraid of? (This is where your brain flashes up a PowerPoint presentation of all the scary things that come with pregnancy and it’s about 425 slides long because there are a LOT). No, none of those. The biggest thing I’m afraid of at this early point is the can of whoopass unsolicited advice bound to be sparked from this post.

ARE YOU CRAZY? Are you going to drop out of school? You’re still young — why not wait?? What’s the rush? How are you going to PAY FOR IT? What will you say in residency interviews in the fall? How will you handle your surgery rotation? Are you really going to keep drinking coffee?

I think you get the picture. Feel free to ask as many questions as you like. We’ve probably already thought about them and I will be more than happy to include a post with our house-of-cards plans.

But in the end, I really just want you to be happy for us. And I want to figure out how to have an online shower so you all can come!

We are so screwed. : )

[Originally written January 26th. There are a lot more "drafts" from the last couple of months coming up.]

Ever have someone tell you not to think about a pink elephant?

Ever have a pink (or blue) elephant actually standing in your room? And not only are you not supposed to think about it, you’re not supposed to talk about it for at least 12 weeks.

So, you’re fighting the urge to think or talk about it and try to write a blog post with your thoughts without including the elephant.

I’m sorry I haven’t been writing much. There’s an elephant standing on my foot.

This is my first week (out of a possible 8+) back at the books getting ready for Step 2.

I honestly don’t know how much material I’m going to efficiently get through while running around at the hospital all week, but a girl’s gotta try. Maybe I’ll find time to post my schedule on the weekend.

In the meantime, gotta keep that rod and reel in the water if I want to catch anything.

Main lesson learned on this trip: test carry-on retractable handle before leaving.

Oh, Vancouver. How much you’ve changed and how much you’ve stayed the same.

There were FAR too many people for me to get a good gauge on whether or not the west coast still felt like home and running around playing Olympic tourist didn’t help. I spent almost 7 years living and working downtown, but haven’t lived there since the summer of 2007 (before jet-setting down to Nevis). Before that most of you remember I was up north in Prince George for a year. It’s been a long time since Vancouver was “home”, but something about the city will always hold a piece of my heart.

The biggest addition? Definitely the Shangri La. Whoah.

The biggest loss? Slickety Jim’s burned down! Main Street isn’t the same without that supa cool breakfast joint.

We attended three men’s hockey games and one men’s curling game. Despite all the rumours of disastrous security lines, we showed up early and were shuffled through efficiently in 15 minutes or less. Our hockey seats were amazing. Our curling seats sorta sucked. In a corner at the end of a long row, it was a pain to get in and out and forget about seeing the opposite end. The curling game actually ended up being pretty exciting with a tie between the USA and Switzerland going to an extra end. It was one of only two curling games the American men would win in the tournament. Yay, Shuster!

I bought one piece of Olympic memorabilia (a pin with Canadian and American flags) and lost it within 48 hours because it fell off my jacket. I mistakenly meandered into Lululemon while running on a treasure hunt around Metrotown for red Olympic mittens. Their cheer gear hoodies were gorgeous and if I had an extra $108, I would be sporting maple leafs down south with pride right now.

Brigette and Markus were our gracious hosts in New Westminster. They have a lovely little house and she makes a great beef bourgeois!

We also got to see Mel, Karen, Julie, Simona and Christina. Simona shuttled us around town (more red mitten scavenger hunting) and introduced Brandon to the best ceasar ever. Christina helped satisfy my sushi craving (that Chef’s Roll was to-die-for) and Karen ended up tied to her house due to unexpected plumbing problems.

Too short. Too little time. Too few hugs and happy faces.

We’ll just have to go back sooner than later.

Oh, and yes. We eventually did find red Olympic mittens! I got a pair for me and a pair for Brandon’s mom. But only in large. So if you see a ladies medium or small, feel free to send ‘em on down to Oklahoma City!

This was too long for a tweet, so I had to make a post to sufficiently de-rant.

Last September, HG Brands contacted me and claimed to be a “designer with rights to the CFL and Saskatchewan 100th anniversary”. They asked if they could use this particular photo in a promotional poster. I said Sure! I would be honoured! In return, they offered to send me some of the Rider swag that they make. Maybe a t-shirt or two for myself and my husband!? I said Sure! Even better!

6 months later, the t-shirts haven’t shown up. I think about it every once in awhile (and even sent a couple of “did you forget about me?” follow-up emails that were ignored) and am mildly annoyed. Not because we didn’t get swag. Not because they used my photo for free. Just because they offered something and didn’t follow through. Lame.

Where’s the integrity, people?

I’m a gracious winner and sore loser. Is that a good enough reason to give us the gold?

The entire nation is hoping our boys skate their butts off. This household is decidedly divided. Maddy and Suh can’t stop trash-talking.

They have been driving me nuts since I redesigned the site and though tossing them in might generate a few extra bucks each month.

Yes, they’ve generated a few (very few) extra bucks each month. But I honestly can’t say the eyesore annoyance is worth it.

I’m also not sure I can go through with the project to start selling my photography online. I’ve spent almost 3 months flipping through thousands and thousands of photos I’ve taken around the world over the last few years and have come to a couple of conclusions:

1) I’m not stock worthy. My style is snapshots and artsy-fartsy. Definitely not marketable to a corporate climate.

2) I’m afraid it won’t be successful. I have to start studying (hard) for Step 2 in March and am worried that investing time in this project just won’t pay off. Maybe sometime in the future.

In the meantime, I’m still writing search engine articles at $9-a-pop and piling up student loan money, generous donations from my parents, and spare change from between the couch cushions to pay my next $10,000 tuition installment by March 31st. After that, only TWO MORE TO GO. I absolutely know the day I pay off all of this debt will be heart-soaring thrilling, but a close second will be the day I make that last bank-account-sucking-giant-investment toward the piece-of-paper-that-is-the-magic-carpet-of-my-wildest-dreams.

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photo: From the entertaining and educational Underground Tour in Seattle.

You know it’s been awhile since you’ve posted when you have to re-login to Wordpress. I don’t think I’ve logged in since I installed it.

We made it to and from the Olympics in Vancouver in one piece. Mostly. I lost that awesome flag pin I’m wearing in the photo somewhere between here and that hockey game and that just sucks.

I have been sick for 2 weeks, but am alive. Mostly. I really thought I might die on the last descent into Oklahoma City. As the plane lowered, it felt like small gauge knitting needles were being stabbed through my skull into each and every sinus. It sorta sucked.

I only spread my germs to 7 Vancouver friends in 5 days. I have plenty more to write on the week we experienced Olympic history, but you can easily say there wasn’t enough time to do and see everything and everyone. It sorta sucked.

The dogs survived their week of boarding. Mostly. They both caught a wee case of the runs and are on parasite prophylaxis. More mild sucky-ness.

Okay, okay. A few things sucked. But the rest was totally and completely awesome. Including Brigette and Markus for putting us up and putting up with my germs all over their adorable new little house. What’s a good Thank You to friends like that? A year’s supply of Kleenex and NeoCitran?

I’ll be back soon. Probably before another 10 days pass, but I really can’t promise anything at this point. And I haven’t forgotten about the photo voting. That will start with the thrilling theme of flowers(!) next week.

Here we are! It’s a mere 7 months since I took Step 1 and I’m already getting ready for the next Step.

Applying for this exam would be half the hassle of Step 1 if I hadn’t gone and done a silly thing like get married and change my name. So, yah. I have to submit a Form 186 all over again and wait for MUA and ECFMG to verify it so that I can pick my test date and start studying. Because, you know, you can’t start studying without an actual test date.

Most students take Step 1 sometime after Basic Sciences and before Clincial Rotations. The timing to keep in mind for Step 2 is not the date you take the exam but ensuring you have your most excellent passing grade back before applying through ERAS for the match.

You know, The Match.

I’ll include another post on Match stuff later, but suffice it to say for now, it is important enough to deserve capital letters. I have heard varying reports about how long it takes to have your grades reported and available from Step 2, but it is generally accepted that you should have them both complete by June or July. If you don’t feel like you need Step 2 scores to boost your ERAS Match application, then there isn’t any rush to take the exam and you technically have until December or January to complete the exam before rank order lists are submitted.

Rank order lists? Okay, I’m using terminology from The Match again. Will save that for later.

Foreign and international medical graduates are encouraged to have their Step 2 scores available to increase their chances of getting an interview (and thus, residency position) for The Match. As such, I’m hoping to take Step 2 sometime in May.

Lastly, there are 2 parts to Step 2.

Clinical Knowledge (CK) is an all-day exam similar to Step 1. Except it’s an hour longer and is focused on the clinical application of all that Basic Science stuff you’ve forgotten in the last year. Fun! From this exam, you get a 2- and 3-digit score similar to the format used in Step 1.

Clinical Skills (CS) is a hands-on practical exam with people pretending to be patients. You will be expected to do a focused history and physical and write a patient note. All while proving you are a caring human being and can converse easily in English. From this exam, you get a pass/fail score.

Right now, my plan is to study during March and April and be ready to rock the exam in May. I’ll keep you posted on the exam date(s) so you can get those fingers crossed at the right time(s).